he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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