You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have already put on my inside pants.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
