i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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