so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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