this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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