I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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