i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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