like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
