I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
