Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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