I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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