listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
