i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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