I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
