So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
