Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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