i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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