so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
