She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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