The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
