Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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