my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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