i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found your dick twin last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
