Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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