he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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