I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
