Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
