I want to stick my p in your. b.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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