I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
