remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
