I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
