drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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