OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
