they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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