And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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