I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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