At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize