I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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