Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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