dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
