porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My feet surprised me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
