Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
