This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
