since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
