i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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