what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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