we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
