just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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