Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
