you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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