You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
