why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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