i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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