Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
