I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
