a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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