Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize