grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
