So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
