So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
