That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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