I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
