I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
