This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
