just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
