We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
