We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
