remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
