nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
