when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
