you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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