So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
