I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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