Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
