he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
