Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
