Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
