Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
