What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
