It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize