thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
