Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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