Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
