I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
