actually, I'm a sock model
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
