Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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